


Hangman

by orsumfenix



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bad Ending, Endings, Happy Ending, Multi, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25992739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orsumfenix/pseuds/orsumfenix
Summary: The many endings of Shima Renzou.
Relationships: Shima Renzou/Various
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Hangman

**Author's Note:**

> some shimabon, some yukishima, some shizumo, some shima/paku

“I always wanted to die in the arms of a cute girl,” Renzou says, “but I guess you’ll have to do.”

Bon does not look thrilled about this. Fair enough. Renzou would laugh but even breathing is taking a lot of effort right now, so. Wide smile it is.

“Hang on,” Bon says, like that’s going to make a difference. “A doctor will be here soon.”

“Will they?”

“Yes, asshole,” Bon says, but he’s never been good at lying. Not like Renzou. He’s just saying that to make him feel better. To make this easier.

Unfortunately for Bon, Renzou has never made anything easier in his entire life.

“There’s not a doctor coming,” Renzou says. “Don’t see the point in pretending.”

“Shima,” Bon says brokenly. Swallows. Pulls himself together. “Renzou. You really will be okay. Look at this, this is nothing, this is just a scratch. You’re really gonna let yourself go this way?”

Renzou really wishes he’d been stabbed or something so he could make a joke like ‘yeah, a scratch that goes all the way through my back,’ but Bon’s right and it is just a scratch. A large, infected-with-poison scratch. Yamantaka tried to burn it out but it didn’t work. That just fucking hurt. They walked for hours to find help and when Renzou couldn’t walk anymore Bon picked him and carried him. He knew Bon always kept up with training, but damn, son, that guy has _strength_.

But Renzou’s tired. Cold, even though he’s sweating and apparently warm to the touch. A terrible way to die would be as your former best friend carries you and probably doesn’t even notice. Better to do it on the floor with dramatic lighting filtering through the trees and a moment of reflection.

What do you regret, Renzou?

Nothing.

Well. Maybe getting scratched by a poisonous sword. But his life choices? Nah. He had fun. But fun’s over now.

That’s a good enough line that Renzou forces it out loud.

“Fun’s over, Bon,” he says, feeling like he should stretch but limbs uncooperative. “Nice playing with ya.”

Bon’s got this face on him like he wants to be angry but can’t quite dredge it up. If Renzou would guess, it’s because Bon knows this is the end and doesn’t want the end to be a moment of anger.

“Life isn’t a game, Ren,” Bon says. Ha. They’ve gone from Shima to Renzou to Ren in less than two minutes. That’s when you know shit’s serious. “It never has been.”

“That’s how I see life.” Renzou leans his head back, closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. Not many left, might as well make them big.

“I don’t believe you.”

Renzou startles, eyes opening, and his surprised smile is the first sincere one in months.

“Wow. So you’re finally starting to get it.” His vision’s all dark and he can barely hear himself talk. Bon’s leaning forwards, hands on his shirt, is he yelling? Fuck, the moon looks weird. “Game over, Ryuji.”

\--

Apparently Renzou is a restless sleeper, hence the whole separate bedroom thing. He didn’t mind when they were sixteen and he doesn’t mind seven years later. It means he gets to sneak up on Yukio every morning and it only gets funnier.

Yukio’s by the dishwasher, facing away. Renzou treads as quietly as he can. This used to be impossible, considering Yukio’s upbringing, but a long time without fighting dulls instincts. Christ, that makes it sound like a bad thing. It’s nice, having a relaxed boyfriend. It’s nice being able to relax.

Yukio jumps a mile when Renzou’s arms snake around his waist.

“Jesus!”

Renzou smiles lazily when Yukio glares back.

“You know I hate it when you do that,” Yukio says, but there’s no heat to it. “Your hair looks a mess, when are you getting it cut?”

“I kind of like it this length.”

Yukio hums, running a hand through it. When Renzou first announced he was growing it out they both thought it’d be a disaster, but he knows for a fact that Yukio likes it when it’s tied up.

“I put the dishes away,” Yukio says. “Even though it was _your_ turn.”

“You knew I was lazy when you moved in with me, this is your fault.”

“Uh huh.” That’s the thing with Yukio. He chats all this shit but he’s smiling. “Sleep alright?”

“Like heaven. I’m so glad those construction workers have gone, if I had to use earplugs another morning I would’ve lost my mind.”

“What mind?” Yukio raps on Renzou’s head. “This thing is empty.”

“Wow, you’re so funny, teach.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“Oh, come on, you love it! You love everything I do.”

Yukio’s fully turned around now, looping their fingers together. This is the sort of thing Renzou used to daydream about doing with Izumo or Paku. Future domestic bliss. Can’t say he’s sorry. He wouldn’t swap Yukio out for anyone.

“Yeah,” Yukio says softly, “I do.”

The sun catches off a glass of water from the night before. The light reminds Renzou of all those years ago, when the Illuminati showed up and he showed people who he really was. Yukio ended up doing that, too, albeit in a different way. But neither organisation won their loyalty above the other. At their core, they were both the same.

The Illuminati, the True Cross…whoever won Yukio and Renzou would have ended up this way. That’s the best part of having worked on both sides. You win no matter what.

“Come on,” Yukio says, tugging at his hand. “Help me make breakfast.”

\--

“Shima,” Rin hisses. “Are you okay?”

Renzou rolls his eyes but doesn’t answer, on account of the gag in his mouth. If their kidnappers were going to gag him they could’ve at least done the courtesy of gagging Rin, too, considering Rin talks like there’s no tomorrow and has no concept of an inside voice. And the ropes tying him to the support beam are rubbing, ouch. Are Rin’s this tight? They better be.

“Shima,” Rin hisses again. Even Rin’s hisses are stupidly loud. He’s tied to his own beam across the room and Renzou’s got no problem hearing him. At this rate their kidnappers will hear him, too, and they’re not even here. “Are you awake?”

Renzou levels a look at Rin, like ‘please shut the fuck up before they hear us.’ Rin doesn’t seem to get it.

“Oh thank god,” Rin says. Oh, so now we’re giving up on even _trying_ to whisper? “You look awful.”

Renzou would like to say “thanks,” but what comes out is more like “mmmph.” That’s what you get for training as an Aria and coming from an Exorcist organisation. Whoever kidnaps you thinks you know what you’re doing and need to be shut up.

In all fairness, he could summon Yamantaka if he could _fucking talk_ , so they weren’t wrong.

“My ropes are really tight,” Rin says, squirming against them. “Ow, ow, owww, why did they have to use ropes? Wouldn’t duct tape have done? And I don’t have my sword, so I can’t – do anything. Y’know. Use my flames.” It’s been three weeks since they found out Rin was the son of Satan and it’s still something Rin doesn’t like bringing up. Every time he dances around it Renzou has to avoid laughing. Rin thinks _his_ secrets were bad? Try being a double agent for the Illuminati.

Not that Rin knows about that. He thinks Renzou’s just his normal, friendly, pervy classmate. Which makes the way out of this tough.

See, Renzou can’t talk, but he does have Tamer paper in his pocket. He should be able to get it out, but first he needs to twist his hands just _so_ to catch them on the cold nail he felt as soon as he awoke.

“What are you doing?” Rin asks. “Is that a summoning dance?”

It’s not _not_ a summoning dance. Oh god, pressing his palm against this nail is gonna hurt. And possibly give him sepsis. But it’s either this or wait until they get rescued or their kidnappers come back, and he’s got a really bad feeling. At first he thought they were after Rin and he was just collateral damage, but they knew not to let him talk, so they knew who he was. They have to get out of here. Stat.

Ow.

Renzou locks eyes with Rin, trying for an ‘I have a plan’ face. Rin frowns.

“Do you need the toilet?”

The paper’s in Renzou’s back pocket. He just needs to pull it out and get the blood from his palm on it. Speaking of, that nail went way too deep, wow. Blood poisoning is definitely on the table and he needs to go straight to a doctor when they’re out of here.

The door opens.

Toudou Saburota walks in.

He wasn’t the one who kidnapped them, but it looks like he was the one who orchestrated it. Guy looks way too pleased with himself. Look at that smirk. Prick.

“Well, well,” Toudou says. “What have we here?”

Now that the door’s open, the room is a bit lighter. The entire thing seems to be made of wood, which is probably to discourage two kidnapped flame-wielders from doing their thing. Are they in a basement? It feels like a basement. The smell is awful and musty and opening the door doesn’t do much to help.

“You,” Rin says. Wait, did he even meet Toudou? Renzou only knows what he looks like because of Juuzou and Mamushi. “You’re an Exorcist, right? Have you come to rescue us? Can you get us out of here?”

Toudou laughs. Renzou wishes his laugh was that sinister.

Rin’s face clears.

“Oh,” he says. “You’re _that_ Exorcist.”

“Correct.” When Toudou walked in Renzou considered letting this play out, but that laugh and the way Toudou’s looking at him assure him that escape really is the best option. But Toudou’s watching him like a hawk. He can’t just pull the paper out. He has to be careful. “I apologise for the mistreatment, but you understand that you’re two very dangerous people.”

“Uh,” Rin says, “I think I’m more dangerous than Shima. By like a lot.”

Toudou clicks. “You think, but you don’t know. That’s the point. Renzou, care explaining why Okumura-kun is wrong?”

Renzou glares. Shouldn’t have cut his hair. Glares under a fringe are always better.

“No?” Toudou pushes, enjoying this way too much. “Ah, of course, silly me, how could you when you’re gagged like that? And I suppose, when you lie to everyone all the time, but let’s be nice and say the gag’s the problem.” How did Juuzou put up with this guy for years? Renzou can’t even put up with him for a few minutes. He can’t have been like this in lessons, right? They would’ve known something was up. Then again, Juuzou never saw anything up with Renzou. Then again to _that_ , Juuzou never noticed anything about Renzou, but he certainly paid attention to Toudou. “You don’t look well.”

He's bleeding and tied up, what does this guy expect? The tips of Renzou’s fingers have the paper, but it’s the wrong hand. Just one drop needs to touch it. He can manage one drop.

‘Oh, I’m fine,’ Renzou tries to say. ‘Mm m mph’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

There! The paper’s out in the open. All he has to do is get it to the other hand.

The other hand which is bleeding too much. Fuck, it wants to drip.

Renzou curls his hand to try and contain it, unable to resist shuddering when his fingers touch the wound. He knew he was squeamish, but damn.

He presses the paper against his palm right as a drop falls. Toudou zones in like a bloodhound.

“Are you bleeding, Renzou-kun? That’s a -” Toudou’s face drops right as the black flames start swirling. “Oh, you little -”

“PARTY TIME!” Yamantaka declares. He’s almost too big for the room, black smoke trailing along every wall. Rin’s face is comedy gold. But seriously, Yamantaka, _party time?_ That’s what you came up with? That was your epic line?

Toudou must know firing at Yamantaka won’t do anything. He tries anyway.

“What’s going on?” Rin demands, pulling against his restraints. “What is that thing?”

The flames are getting really close to Toudou. They won’t kill him, but they will make him pass out, and from there Yamantaka can lend Renzou strength and he can get out of these ropes.

Screw it, he’s using that strength now. Having Yamantaka fight and also pulling from him is a good way to get knocked out fast, but time is of the essence. And it is a lot of strength. He’s out of the ropes and pulling the gag away in about five seconds. Ah, it’s nice to be able to move freely again. And it’ll be really nice to make it out of here without dying.

“Did you summon that thing?” Rin asks once Renzou’s by his side and tugging at the ropes. Yikes, these are tight. And he’s starting to feel faint. This is what he gets for not training. “Because that’s so cool if you did, that is the most badass demon I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen me!”

Renzou smiles. Looks like Rin’s at ease with acknowledging it in perilous situations.

“That’s my familiar,” Renzou says. We have lift-off on the ropes. “But don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret until I can control him better.”

Rin nods. “Got it!” He stretches his arms as the last of the ropes falls away. “We should run, right?”

“Right.”

They’re almost at the door when Toudou emerges from the dark smoke, eyes blazing and teeth bared. Renzou’s never seen another Demon Eater in the flesh, but if they all look like this then the True Cross really is screwed.

Rin and Renzou rear back, Rin holding a protective arm out because he’s an angel (figuratively). But he’s not Toudou’s target.

“This demon is high-level,” Toudou says, gun aimed squarely at Renzou. This is bad, even if he gets hit Rin’s going to be in the crosshairs and knowing his personality he’ll probably jump in front of the bullet. “And it’s yours. I get rid of you, I get rid of it.”

“C’mon, man,” Renzou tries, arms raised. “You can’t blame us for trying to escape. Those ropes hurt like hell.”

“Those ropes,” Toudou says, “were meant for an interrogation. If you still had circulation, they were too loose.” Well. They were too loose. Renzou didn’t see the face of who tied them up. There might be more going on here. “We didn’t think keeping your hands would be a problem.” Yikes.

Rin’s pushing him back but Renzou’s trying to move forwards and Toudou’s finger is pressing on the trigger and –

\--

The different certifications come through on different days, which is a pain, because Bon and Konekomaru get their Aria Meisters a full week before Renzou finds out if he got his Knight one or not.

“You’ve passed,” Koneko assures in the early afternoon. They find out at 2pm. Here’s hoping. “I’m glad you didn’t end up taking Aria, because that one was tough. But you must’ve passed, you did really well.”

“I don’t care if I passed.” Renzou shrugs and leans back, flipping open his magazine. This one was expensive and better be worth it. “If I didn’t I’ll just do something else.”

“How can you be so casual?” Bon demands. He’s on edge because the Dragoon results don’t come through for another week and a half, the latest of the lot. Sucks to be him. “We’ve been working on this for years.”

“Life’s not all about qualifications,” Renzou says. Truthfully, he’s not sure if he cares or not. A, he definitely passed, and B, being an Exorcist has never been his goal like the others. It’s just sort of always been something to do.

And then there’s C. Unbeknownst to the rest of his class, Renzou took the Tamer exam and got his certification four weeks ago, the earliest of the lot. He’s already an Exorcist.

Maybe he’ll tell them one day. He was actually thinking of telling them today. _This is Yamantaka, I’ve always had him, and that’s all my secrets._ He used to have more secrets, like the whole Illuminati thing, but the Illuminati imploded in on themselves about three months into his enrolment at True Cross, so bringing that up now would just put a downer on things.

“Did you hear?” Koneko says, tugging at Renzou’s magazine. “Okumura-sensei got his Aria, too. Now he has three Meisters.”

“Damn,” Bon says, sounding impressed. “That guy really is a prodigy. I’m jealous.”

Renzou snorts. “Like you’re not going after more next year.”

“I can’t go after Tamer,” Bon grinds out, like it’s a personal affront that he just doesn’t have the blood for it. Renzou’s grin gets wider. “And Doctor’s a lot of hard work. I can’t take Knight and Doctor in the same year.”

“I think you should take Doctor first,” Koneko says. “I’m not even sure you need Knight, considering you have Dragoon.”

“I might not have Dragoon.”

Renzou stares at him over the magazine.

“Bon,” Renzou says, “don’t be humble. You have Dragoon.”

Bon can’t quite hide his smile.

Renzou uncrosses his legs on Koneko’s lap only to re-cross them the other way. Bon’s lying parallel like he used to at sleepovers.

“I want Doctor and Knight,” Bon says. “I want to be as trained as possible. I’ll have to be, to beat Satan.” Koneko and Renzou meet eyes in time for a familiar eye-roll. “Just watch. In two years, I’ll have all the Meisters.” 

“But not Tamerrr ~” Renzou sing-songs. Bon pinches his side. “Ow, ow, no fair. Just pointing out facts, here, Bon.”

“I’ll have all the Meisters I can get,” Bon corrects, frowning and thumbing at his lip. Always so serious. “And our temple will be restored.”

“I might get Doctor,” Koneko says, then ducks his head like it’s the first time he’s said it out loud. “I don’t know, maybe. I’d want to spend some time as an Aria first, then come back in a few years.”

“If you want to do it, I’ll support you,” Bon says. Renzou fakes a yawn and stretches out. Tosses the magazine to the side. It was good, but still overpriced.

“You guys are such overachievers. One Meister is fine. Most Exorcists only have one!”

“I don’t want to be like most Exorcists,” Bon says. That is what every Exorcists says, so Renzou’s tempted to say Bon _will_ be like most Exorcists, but inside he knows that Bon’s different. Bon’s more. He’s going to push himself and strive and be something incredible, and Renzou will be watching by his side the whole time.

Hey, what other interesting things are there to do?

It turns out Renzou did indeed pass his exam. He’s a Knight and a Tamer, but shhh about that last part.

“Congrats, Shima,” Koneko says warmly when they find out. “I knew you could do it!”

“Uh huh.” Renzou runs a hand over the certification. It’s weird, being an Exorcist. He doesn’t care what his family thinks, he definitely 100%, really Does Not Care, but to have achieved something they’ll actually approve of…it feels nice. And he can bring up at family dinners that he’s done what they wanted him to, _Dad_. “Knight, huh? What, do I get armour with it?”

Bon taps his head, grinning down.

“I’m proud of you,” Bon says. Uh. Wow. Renzou did not realise he cared that much about Bon’s opinion. Bon raises a shot glass. It’s apple juice, this is so sad. “To the rest of our lives as Exorcists!”

“I’ll drink to that,” Koneko says, raising his own. Renzou grins and lifts his.

“Kanpai,” he says. The glasses clink when they hit.

\--

He’s been in solitary confinement for two weeks when Shura comes to visit.

Or at least he thinks it’s two weeks. Hard to tell in here. There’s a tiny window at the top of the cell and it’s the only way Renzou’s been able to keep track of time. He wanted to keep a tally, like in the movies, but there’s nothing to make one with but his nail and even the thought of that makes him cringe.

Shura doesn’t smile when she sees him. Not that she ever did, but you know. Anything other than a stony glare would be nice.

“Hey,” Renzou greets, trying not to feel like the mess he knows he looks. There is a shower in the cell, but the water only runs hot for two minutes and cold water is. Not good. “I was wondering when someone would come.”

Shura stares for long enough to make him uncomfortable. He only got a brief glimpse out the door before it was pulled shut behind her, and all he could make out was pitch black.

“Do you know why you’re here, Shima?” Shura eventually asks, leaning back against the door.

“I figured it was punishment for the whole traitor thing.”

“Uh huh.”

“Got to say, I really thought someone would’ve come after me by now.”

“Like who?”

“My family.”

“Your family.” Shura picks at some dirt under her nail. “The ones from the Myouou Dharani?”

“Have you been there?”

“A couple times. But I can’t go back now.”

“Why not?”

“Because the Myouou Dharani was destroyed,” Shura says. It’s so casual that he thinks it’s a joke. But Shura isn’t laughing and she was never good at containing her laughter.

“What do you mean, destroyed?”

“I mean destroyed. In the war with the Illuminati. You know, the people you work for?”

“I -” No one knows he was a double agent, fuck, they think he actually betrayed him and she’s lying, she has to be – “Is my family okay?”

“No one made it out of Kyoto,” Shura says. Her face hasn’t moved but her eyes are looking haunted. “Not the Suguro family, not the Konekomaru family, not the Houjou family…and not the Shima family. I’m sorry.”

Renzou stares at the floor. She isn’t lying, he can feel it. For all that his family could be awful at times, they would’ve come for him by now.

“You don’t sound sorry,” he says. Shura snorts. “But not everyone, right? Someone must’ve been away, Kin-nii and Juu-nii could’ve been on a mission and Jun-nee and Gou-nii don’t even live there anymore, and -”

“Everyone got evacuated to the Myodha.” Shura’s words cut through him like a knife. “And then the battle moved there. Your family, and the other Ex-wires…everyone was there, Shima. Everyone.”

“But not you.” Did she just say the other Ex-wires? She can’t have just said the other Ex-wires. He misheard or she misspoke or something. “My family can’t be dead. They can’t be. Not all of them.”

“Well, they are. And it’s thanks to your group. Hence the prison cell.”

“I was a double agent,” Renzou says, blurts. “I was working for Mephisto, you can ask him -”

“Mephisto’s dead too.”

“What?” No. No way.

Oh, Shima Renzou, you are royally and utterly screwed.

“I was working for Mephisto,” Renzou says again. “There must be proof of it somewhere, the Illuminati tried to recruit me so they gave me a card but I told Juu-nii and he told Mephisto, Mephisto came to my house and asked me to work for him and I overheard and said yes -”

“That sounds like the bullshit of a desperate man.”

Renzou’s starting to feel very small by the wall of his cell, like it’s looming up and staring at him. Pretty impressive, considering how small the cell is.

“It’s true,” he says. “It’s true.”

Shura kicks off from the wall. She’s got that kind of forced casualness that only someone who’s seen some major shit has.

“I don’t believe you,” she says frankly. “And there’s no one left to vouch for you, considering your classmates. You’re the only Ex-wire left and everyone who cared enough to come after you is dead.” And this, ladies and gents, is where denial starts to kick in. Renzou actually has a few moments of clarity of _everyone is dead, Bon and Koneko and Shiemi and Rin and Izumo_ before his own brain hits him like a wave.

“You’re lying,” he says. “This is a test.”

Shura laughs, short and harsh.

“I wish that were true, kiddo.”

Renzou kicks the floor. Has he fucking dissociated? Feels like it.

“So what happens to me now?”

“Now? Nothing. You stay here.”

“Here?” Renzou looks up slowly, filled with dread. “In this cell?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“For how long?”

“Well,” Shura says, picking at another nail. She’s been going one by one and she’s almost ran out. “Traitors don’t get trials and there wouldn’t even be enough people left to hold one, so.”

No. No.

“You can’t _leave me here_.”

“Why not?”

“Because -” Because it’s not fair, because I was a double agent, because I didn’t know everything would go so wrong – “I’m just a kid.”

What do you regret, Renzou?

Everything.

Shura quirks a brow. “Oh, so you’re a kid now that it suits you? It wasn’t too long ago that you were saying the opposite.”

“Shura-san,” Renzou says, desperation and upset colouring his voice. “I really was on your side. You can’t leave me here alone.”

“You won’t be alone. You have your familiar.”

“That’s not the same,” Renzou is saying, but Shura’s turning and opening the door. Is there a way to get through before she closes it? Should he just fucking run at her? She’s good enough to stop him, but he’s desperate. Probably worth a shot.

“Your familiar is from the Kingdom of Rot, right?” No. She’s wrong. Yamantaka isn’t from a kingdom.

Shura turns so she’s silhouetted by the dark corridor. He doesn’t even know what’s out there. He doesn’t even know where he is.

“It’s perfect,” Shura says. “You can rot here.”

\--

The Illuminati claim victory after two long years of battle. Renzou watches the Gehenna Gate open and doesn’t dare blink.

He doesn’t want to miss a thing.

\--

“Hey.”

Juuzou’s kid looks up. What was his name again? Something -zou, it must be, Juuzou always keeps to tradition.

“Hi,” the kid says. Renzou decides to just call the kid Zou. It’ll do.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?”

Zou shuffles.

“Dad’s mad at me.”

“He’s not mad,” Renzou assures, bobbing down and trying for a smile. He was always awful with kids, but he’s not heartless enough to leave a kid sat alone in a bush when it’s about to rain. “I saw him, he’s just worried.”

“How did you see him?”

“I was outside the window. Trust me, I know him.”

“How?”

Hmm. What to say.

“I’m his brother,” Renzou says. Can’t be that troublesome. Zou must know Juuzou has tons of relatives. “So I’m your uncle.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Zou stares. Renzou has to laugh.

“Don’t you believe me? We look really similar, kid. And you must’ve seen pictures of me around the house, I know they’re there.”

Zou nods. He’s shy, more so than when Renzou was that age. At least he doesn’t have that brazen confidence that Kinzou had when they were kids. Earlier Renzou caught sight of Juuzou’s other kid, a little girl, and it looks like she’s the louder one of the pair.

“So,” Renzou says, kneeling down fully on the floor. It’s muddy, but that’s not a concern anymore. Lots of things aren’t. “Do you think you can show me what you showed your dad?”

When the black flames raise from the floor it’s like déjà vu. Is this how Dad felt when Renzou first showed him Yamantaka? Renzou doesn’t remember that day, but he can guarantee Dad reacted badly.

But he’s better than Dad.

“Wow,” Renzou says. “That’s really cool. You know your dad can’t do anything this cool.”

Zou smiles at the floor, all bashful-like. He’s either going to be a fantastic Tamer for Yamantaka or a terrible one. He isn’t hot-headed, so that’s less fights, but he doesn’t hold back his emotions like Renzou always did. Then again, the kid’s only four. Might be too early to tell.

“I used to be able to do that,” Renzou tells him. Zou perks up.

“Really?”

“Uh huh. I wasn’t great at it, but I could do it. Before me it was my brother Takezou. Has your dad ever told you about Takezou?” Zou nods. God. “Okay, then, listen up. If your dad ever says you need to be like anyone else, or look up to anyone else, he’s wrong, you got it? He may think he’s helping but…his expectations aren’t everything, okay? He loves you. That’s the important thing. You don’t need to prove anything.”

Zou picks at the floor. Already feeling the Takezou Burden, huh? He better not feel a Renzou Burden, too.

“Dad didn’t like it when I summoned Yama,” Zou says. Yama. Oh, that is adorable. Renzou was never this cute, what the hell.

“He just needs time to adjust,” Renzou says. The clouds have gathered and soon it’s going to rain. He needs to get the kid inside before then. “I can help you with Yamantaka, if you want.”

“Help how?”

“Help you control him. Train with him. And not hard training, either, just relaxation techniques and how to deal with him. I had him for a very long time, I know how.”

Zou nods with enthusiasm. He’s got a missing tooth. He’s young to be missing a tooth, right? Renzou truly knows little about children, which is impressive considering he grew up with Yumi hanging around.

“I can help you tomorrow,” Renzou says. He can hear a door panel sliding open. Better get this done and dusted. “But I need you to promise me something. Don’t tell your dad that you spoke to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Zou agrees easily. “But why not?”

Renzou picks at the dirt the same way Zou just did. Unlike with Zou, the dirt doesn’t move.

“Because he doesn’t know I’m here,” Renzou says. Footsteps. “You promise not to tell him?”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

“Kiddo?” Juuzou calls out. Renzou turns to see Juuzou zone in on Zou and come rushing over. “It’s going to rain, we need to get inside.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Dad.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Juuzou says. Look at that. Already a better father than Yaozou. “Who were you talking to, buddy?”

Zou looks at Renzou. Renzou smiles with a shush gesture.

“No one,” Zou says. When Juuzou helps him to his feet and brushes the dirt off it’s with the face of someone who thinks his son is talking to a demon familiar. A pretty good excuse, really.

Renzou leans back and watches Zou walk into the house and the arms of Mamushi. He fully expects Juuzou to follow, but is surprised when Juuzou stops.

Juuzou stares at the spot Renzou’s sitting for a very long time. He opens his mouth like he’s going to speak and Renzou waits with bated breath.

Juuzou shakes his head and follows his son back into the house.

\--

“What are you doing?” Bon asks. Renzou grins at him.

“Waiting for midnight.”

“Uh huh.” The door is open and the house is cold, but ah well. He’s standing right by it and he isn’t moving a muscle until his watches clicks over to zero. “You know, it’s a pointless gesture when you’ve already snuck out.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Yeah,” Bon says, “you have.”

“It’s still exciting,” Renzou tells him, shocked himself at how honest he’s being. “Five more minutes and I’m free! I won’t have to keep looking over my shoulder! I won’t have to keep looking at your stupid face all the time!”

“Hey, my face isn’t stupid!” Bon walks over to stare out at the street with him. It’s quiet, but not enough to be spooky. “It’s absolutely freezing, aren’t you gonna wear a coat?”

“You’re not wearing a coat.”

“I didn’t realise I was coming.”

“Of course you are, I’m not going alone.”

“Next time let me know,” Bon demands, but he’s not really mad. Honestly? Renzou would bet any money that Bon’s just as excited as he is. “You’re still up for lunch with the others, right?”

“Right.”

“Because you’re gonna be tired if you’re wandering around the streets all night.”

Renzou sighs. For the drama.

“Oh, Bon,” he sing-songs, leaning back against the doorframe. He’s not technically outside, so it’s not technically a breach of the rules. He’s been allowed in the back garden, but the front doesn’t have a garden, which feels unfair. He said that when the True Cross first told him his house arrest sentence, but they didn’t care for semantics. Luckily Bon argued with them enough to make sure they clarified every last thing so there weren’t any ‘unfortunate accidents’. Unluckily, walking out the front door was apparently a no.

Two minutes to go.

“I feel like I’m being released from prison,” Renzou says. Bon scowls over.

“Don’t say that, you’re lucky you’re not there. And things haven’t been so bad here, right?”

“Not bad.” Renzou uses the doorframe edge to pull himself into full view of the street. The tips of his fingers are techhhnicallyyy outside, does that count as a breach? “Just long.”

“And now we actually have to see you at group stuff again.” Bon makes a lot of jokes about not seeing Renzou at group stuff considering majority of group stuff has been at the house precisely so everyone _can_ see him. “It’s the end of an era. No more getting served by waitresses without worrying you’re leering at them.”

“The end of one era,” Renzou says, checking his watch. Ninety seconds. “Beginning of a new one.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

“You are way more dramatic than me, so shut up.”

Fifty seconds. Forty-nine. Forty-eight.

“So,” Bon says with a forced lean, trying to be casual and failing. “I guess now that you don’t have to stay here you’ll be going, right?”

“Mm hmm.” Renzou stares at the street. He’s hyped up leaving as soon as he can a lot, but it was all jokes. Bon gets that, right?

“It’ll be weird being here without you.”

“Will it now.”

“Yeah, it will.”

There’s a breeze on his face and soon he can step into it. Fifteen more seconds. Here goes.

“I dunno,” Renzou says, smiling at Bon. “Maybe I’ll stick around for a bit longer.”

Bon’s smile is surprised, but nice.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Renzou grabs Bon’s hands and pulls him onto the street.

\--

He can’t say that he didn’t see Yukio’s betrayal of the Illuminati coming a mile away, but he _can_ say that it’s just as epic as he thought it would be.

“Having fun?” Renzou asks. Yukio jerks up.

“Don’t try and stop me,” he warns. Renzou shrugs.

“I’m not gonna. Just thought I’d say hi.” Looks like all the remote explosives are set to go. Yukio must’ve been planning this from the start. Impressive! He played the game well. Better than Renzou did, even. “How long before everything goes tits up?”

“I’m not telling you that.”

“That’s fair.”

This is weirdly awkward. Are they even friends? Yukio’s betraying the Illuminati but Renzou isn’t really Illuminati, anyway, he’s whatever and everyone knows it. Yukio knows it.

Renzou eyes the explosives. He could try and stop this. He could be the whole reason the Illuminati pull through. Or he could stay back and be the reason the True Cross do. Eugh, as if he has to _make a decision_ and choose an _actual side_. Thanks, Yukio, really throwing the whole double-triple-mega-secret agent thing out of the window.

Yukio hasn’t triggered them yet, but he’s about to. And he’s got a gun trained on Renzou. Can a gun stop Yamantaka? No. But it could stop Renzou.

“So,” Renzou says. “You set those off and the Illuminati loses.”

“I know, Shima. Why do you think I set them up?”

“Just clarifying.” Renzou peaks over so he can see them better. Yukio’s arm twitches. “Are you gonna do it?”

“Of course I am.”

“Right, but are you really?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe I should help you.”

“Maybe you should get away from those controls.”

Renzou is now staring the barrel of a gun. Fun! This could go very well or very terribly.

“I’m not gonna stop you,” Renzou says again, raising his hands. “You were always aiming for this, right?”

“What about you?” Yukio isn’t budging. He must be really invested in this plan of his. He’s so easy to read when he’s scared, he thinks Renzou’s going to fuck everything up and he might not be wrong. “What are you aiming for?”

“Freedom. Put down the gun, sensei.”

Yukio’s grip tightens. Is Yukio having a panic attack? Oh shit, yeah, that’s a panic attack.

“I can’t let anyone stop me,” Yukio says. Renzou watches the gun and tries to remember how to breathe.

\--

“I think we should go over the plan again,” Koneko says. Renzou groans as loud as he can, but it’s Izumo who cuts in.

“We’ve been over the plan fifty times,” she says. “We know the plan. Or at least I do. I can’t speak for Dumb Brain-san over there.”

“Dumb Brain-san?” Renzou pouts. “You don’t have to be so mean, Izumo-chan.”

“Focus up,” Koneko says. It isn’t yelled in the same way their teachers used to yell things, but Renzou and Izumo both snap to attention. “We don’t have much time left. We have to make sure we’re ready.”

“The whole point of this is to have loads of time,” Renzou points out. Izumo scoffs like she wasn’t agreeing two seconds ago. “Chill out, Konekomaru, I know the plan. And even if I didn’t, I’ll still have you two there to tell me.”

Izumo mutters something under her breath. She just gets cuter every day.

They’ve been through ten bags of crisps and three bottles of Pepsi. Izumo keeps complaining about how the sugar feels on her teeth, but she’s drinking it anyway. Koneko’s made them recite the plan many, many times. This is why Renzou gave up on being an Aria. So much memory work.

“One more time,” Koneko says. Renzou and Izumo sag as one. “Sorry, but I need to make sure you guys know this.”

“We arrive back at the start of True Cross,” Renzou drones. How come he was so awful in his English speaking exam but he can spout this off at a drop? Oh, right, because Koneko’s a slave driver. “I tell the True Cross about the Illuminati’s weak spot and tell them I learned it with my double-agenting. We go and rescue Izumo’s hot mum.”

“My mum isn’t hot,” Izumo snaps, then stops. “Well, okay, she is, but I don’t want you saying that! We rescue her, the True Cross deal with everything else, we make sure everyone’s alive and on our side.”

“Right,” Koneko says. “We know you will be, Shima, but Izumo will keep an eye on Okumura-sensei and I’ll tell the Myodha about Toudou. I say I’ve been snooping and you told me about your Illuminati thing.”

“And then everyone will be saved,” Renzou parrots. “Great, okay, now that we’ve done all that, can we watch the finale of that romance drama?”

“That’s what your worried about?” Izumo asks. If she had proper brows one would be arched. As it is the skin above her eye is all scrunched. She’s so adorable. “The finale to your stupid show?”

“Hey, if I don’t watch it tonight, I’ll have to wait another two years.”

“I thought you liked that show too?” Koneko asks Izumo, because he’s the best. “I’ve seen you watching it.”

“I do _not_ like the same show as Shima.”

“It’s okay if you do,” Renzou tells her, tossing her a fresh bag of crisps that she smacks to the floor. “Aw, don’t fold your arms, we all know that means you’re just being tsundere. We can watch the finale together!”

“I hate you,” Izumo says, but it’s without the venom it used to have. Where there used to be glares and scoffs, now it’s mostly stuck-out tongues and pulling faces when Koneko isn’t looking. “Miwa, can’t we leave Shima behind?”

Koneko pretends to genuinely consider it, tapping his pen against his head. They’ve done this skit many, many times before. It never gets funnier.

“I suppose we _could_ ,” Koneko says. “But it’d make saving everybody harder. Shima in the past was kind of an asshole. No offence, Shima.”

“None taken.” Renzou grins and leans closer to Izumo. She doesn’t lean away. “I was sort of kinda just a bit evil at the start of True Cross. Well. Not evil. But not good. But not bad either. I was Illuminati! But I wasn’t wholly Illuminati.”

“You’re not saying anything we don’t already know,” Izumo announces hotly. She’s still got her arms folded and her posture’s so straight, how is she not tired? Maybe she is and is pushing through it. Wouldn’t be that weird, all three of them have pushed through a lot. “And you’re still an asshole, nothing about that has changed.”

“Yeah, but I’m not evil anymore.”

“You just said you weren’t actually evil.”

“Because I wasn’t! I’m not – what’s the word – _ambiguous_ , anymore. If you two went back and had to convert past me to your side…I’m honestly not sure how that would go, but it wouldn’t be easy. Very risky business.”

“Good job we’re not going without you, then.”

“Uh huh.”

Izumo isn’t quite smiling, not like Renzou is, but whatever look they’re sharing has Koneko shaking his head. He’s had to put up with the most out of all of them. He had to make the time travel plan and co-ordinate two people who argue all the time and are also kind of dating. Koneko’s gonna have it even tougher in the past, still co-ordinating those people and adapting the plan to fit a past they don’t know all of.

But it’s going to work. It has to work.

Renzou wants to see his friends again. If that means travelling in time, so be it.

“Remember,” Koneko says as they set up. He looks nervous. So does Izumo. Renzou’s not sure what the fuck he’s feeling, which is par for the course, but it’s definitely something. “We’ll only have about thirty minutes once we start before the Illuminati detect us and show up. It might be even less time than that.”

Renzou connects the two largest pieces of his K’rik. Izumo stares down at her summoning papers.

“We’ll get it done,” Renzou says. “What’s the worst the Illuminati can do?”

Turns out the worst the Illuminati can do is to arrive massively early. Who knows how they tracked them so fast, but they’re here and they’re not happy. Renzou can barely hold them back even with Yamantaka. At least it’s not for too long. Just keep them away from Koneko.

“Shima!” Koneko yells across the room. “You need to come now!”

Yeah, that’s not happening. He’s got his hands full. Izumo’s close enough that she can make it, but not Renzou. Not with this many people.

“I’ll hold them off!” Renzou yells back, decision made before he even opens his mouth. Wow, when did he get heroic? It’s gonna be so embarrassing when the others go back in time to when he was a borderline villain. “You guys go ahead!”

“Don’t be stupid!” Izumo shouts. Koneko’s moving behind her, ready to send her back. Good. “We need you for the plan, dumbass!”

 _Oh_ , that was a sword wound. Aha. Oh god. He’s really gonna miss out on time travel? Damn. How annoying.

What do you regret, Renzou?

Some things.

“I’ll hold them off,” Renzou says again. It comes out a lot weaker. “Buy you guys some time. You only need a bit, and then you’ll have loads.”

Uke’s injured and Mike is dead. Izumo gets this face that tsundere people get a lot, like they want to say _I don’t want to go back to the old you_ or _you’re not allowed to die a heroic death considering you once kidnapped me_ or _I actually care about you and would not like to see you dead_.

Whatever Izumo wants to say, Renzou never gets to hear it. Time travel, death, it all turns out the same in the end, right?

\--

_Look at how far you’ve fallen, Renzou._

He’d rather not.

There’s a bunch of metaphors and tropes he could use to describe his life right now, but admitting he’s turned into some sort of cartoon villain almost sounds too nice. Like it’s been harmless. A simple journey from A to Z. Slippery slope, and all that.

And my, was that one slippery slope. Sure, there was some zig-zagging here and there. A couple times Renzou managed to dig in his hands and climb a few steps up. But a fall is called a fall for a reason. And boy did he fall.

Takezou fell, too. Ironic.

There’s more than one way to fall.

They bring Yaozou to see him three days after the Myodha is taken. Renzou’s been preparing that whole time, but he wants to look like he hasn’t been, so when he sits back in his chair it’s casual.

That’s right. _His_ chair. All of this is his.

“Wow,” Renzou says when his father is marched in. “You look like shit.”

He does. Has the face scar gotten worse? The hair on that side of Yaozou’s head is gone, singed away. He’s trying his best to stand straight but his leg’s betraying him.

Renzou smiles at that. He didn’t have to go so hard at Yaozou’s leg. He didn’t have to do any of this.

That’s why it was so fun.

“Renzou,” Yaozou greets. Hesitates. He’s got this twisted guilty face, like he can’t believe the monster he’s looking at came from him. Well, it did. In more ways than one. “Having fun?”

“Oh, you know I am.”

Yaozou scoffs and points as best he can with handcuffs.

“What’s with the throne?”

“Hmm? Oh, this?” Renzou sprawls even more. He had it altered for comfort when sprawling. He’s gonna get back problems in a few years. Whatever. That’s a problem for his future self. In his experience the future has never been what he thought it would, so there’s no point in planning for it. “I didn’t design this. Lucifer did that. But he wasn’t exactly using it and it just looked so comfortable!” He runs a hand along the side. “Why, you like it?”

“It’s disgusting.”

“So is your head. Did you get hit with a firework or something?”

Yaozou laughs long and hard. He sounds tired. Borderline unhinged.

“You think you’re so funny,” he tells Renzou. They meet eyes.

“I know I am.”

“You think you’re a lot of things.”

“I am a lot of things.”

“Yes. You’re my son,” Yaozou says, almost in shock. “You’re my son and I made you.”

“I made myself, thank you very much.” Renzou swings off the chair to stand. He’s taller than his father, now. His smile grows wider. “Don’t take credit away from all my hard work.”

“Oh, I would never think to do that. You made your choices.”

Renzou pouts. It’s so hard not to laugh.

“Aw, c’mon, you always wanted me to work hard! ‘Achieve your dreams’ and all that. And now that I have worked hard and accomplished all this, you’re disappointed. It doesn’t make sense. Pick a script and stick to it.”

“You want me to be proud? Of _this?_ ”

“No, I just wanted to say hi.”

It might be true and it might not. But he’s not confused the way he used to be. Somewhere in the fall Renzou found himself, his true self. Or maybe he created a new one. Either way, it’s like the world cleared around him and he could see what he wanted and how to get it. He might not even be done falling. Could still be further to go, who knows. A to Z might be A to P and he’s still got ten more rungs to slip down.

It started small. A line in the sand that got crossed. Then another line after that, just a bit further. Always just a little bit further. One inch lower down the slide, one more letter through the alphabet. Do this for the Illuminati, do that for True Cross. Spy then kidnap then kill. The first time he killed it fucked him up for weeks. By the fifth he was getting used to it.

Not even like he meant to climb the ranks the way he did. Yukio did the dirty work of sowing mistrust for Lucifer, of proposing himself as a better leader. Of making it so years down the line, no one would complain to see him gone.

Renzou didn’t mean to kill Yukio. That one really was an accident. But that’s the thing about being someone’s right hand every step of the way. When Yukio’s position emptied, he slid into his place with grace. 

It’s very possible that Yukio was going to undo the Illuminati once he was in control. Sad that he never got the chance.

Renzou could’ve managed if he’d tried hard enough. But that would have been a lot of effort without reward. And it wouldn’t have been fun.

All he wants is fun.

“Look at you,” Yaozou says. He’s probably thinking the same thing as Renzou, but from the other side of the tracks. When did my son go from lazy to irresponsible to tricky to evil, wah wah wah. “When’s the last time you looked in a mirror?”

“This morning. I was checking out my hair.”

His hair has been looking particularly good lately.

“Stop talking in circles,” Yaozou says. “Face what you’ve done.”

Renzou rolls his eyes and sits back on the chair. Chair, throne, whatever. Semantics. He can fuck shit up from it, who cares what it’s called.

“I killed Juu-nii,” Renzou says. “Is that what you wanna hear?”

“Kinzou has sworn revenge.”

“Sounds fun, I’ll bring him here next.”

“Don’t you have an ounce of shame? Don’t you regret what you’ve done? You saw your childhood home in flames! You killed your brother!”

“He shouldn’t have got in the way.”

Renzou doesn’t always bother showing up for battles. A lot of effort. But he had to for Myodha. It’s _Myodha_. This one was personal.

Yamantaka loves the fighting and Renzou loves the drama. When he stepped off the helicopter he waved at Juuzou, waiting by the trees.

It’s been a long time since Renzou’s been in reaching distance of Point A. He can’t even see the first line in the sand he drew. Juuzou showed him all the old parts of himself he barely recognised anymore. That’s why he had to go.

Probably says something that the one family member he’s killed is the only one who still believed there was something good left in him. Something worth reaching out to and fighting for. Pushing away people who try to help is out, straight-up killing them so they _can’t_ help is in.

What’s also in is becoming the Big Bad of the story. Well. It may not be a popular career choice, but it’s the most enjoyable one going.

“You’re no son of mine,” Yaozou says. It stings, but Renzou forces that down with a smile. Hurt feelings were a thing for Point H Renzou. He’s a lot further than Point H.

“That’d be easier, right? If you weren’t at all to blame? If your evil kid turned wonky all by himself?”

“Don’t blame me for your choices, Renzou! This is your responsibility.”

“And there it is.” Renzou spreads his hands. “Responsibility, ladies and gents. Maybe if you’d spent less time talking about that and more time actually caring about me as a person then things wouldn’t have turned out like this. But, hey, can’t undo the past, right?” Renzou’s still smiling, but it’s less aggressive now. More sinister. “I don’t blame you for my choices. But I do blame you for who I am. Take responsibility, Pops.”

“Responsibility,” Yaozou echoes. Renzou blinks. Uh, when did his dad’s handcuffs get undone? “Of course. I have to take responsibility for what I made. I brought you into this world. It's up to me to take you out." 

Is that a knife? Fuck, that's a knife! 

No way is Renzou getting shanked by his asshole father. That good old K'rik with all its emotional weight comes in handy for holding it back. 

"That your plan?" Renzou demands, standing on the throne. Yeah, so it's a throne, what of it? "You get kidnapped on purpose so you can off your son? That is fucked up." 

"You're in no position to decide that. Get off your throne of lies." 

"Throne of lies? Stop being so dramatic, it's embarrassing." 

"You don't deserve that K'rik," Yaozou says. God, is the man deaf? Renzou legit only just said to quit all the drama. 

"Yeah, but I want it. Haven't you learnt anything from the past few years? I'm great at getting what I want." 

Rin's the Main Good, he's out there somewhere. Needs to be a showdown soon. Renzou can't die here. 

Two guards come running in to re-arrest Yaozou. It's pathetic how little of a fight he gives. His leg's giving out, it's so obvious. 

"Do you want us to kill him?" one of the guard asks with Yaozou on his knees. Renzou looks down. That pink stripe he added to the Illuminati uniform rocks even harder than it did last year. 

"...No," Renzou says. Rubs his hand. Yaozou got a nick in. And he's scratched the K'rik. Good for him. "No, keep him alive. And he likes vegetable soup, please can you get him some?" 

"Of course." 

Renzou's halfway to the door when Yaozou's voice stops him. 

"Renzou," he says rawly, raggedly. "You can't open the gate to Gehenna. The world will never be the same." 

"I'm bored of this world." 

"I am begging you," Yaozou says, "my son." 

Someone's changing their tune. Desperation can do that to a man. 

Renzou smiles but doesn't turn around. He's tempted to announce a changed mind and have his dad offed without even the dignity of him watching. 

"A ruined world is an interesting world," Renzou says. "And all I've ever wanted is not to be bored. Why, Dad, it's like you don't know me at all."

\--

Their second daughter is born three days after Paku’s birthday. In retrospect, they could’ve planned the timing better, but hindsight is a thing Renzou always has too much of.

They call her Akari. Renzou’s choice. Four years earlier Paku chose Yui for their first daughter.

“Wow,” Bon says, holding Akari close and firm. He’s good with the kids. No surprise. “Congrats, man. Father of two.”

As a teenager he would’ve made a stupid joke, but Renzou’s not a teenager anymore. He smiles. It’s genuine.

“Thanks.”

Across the room Paku’s brushing Yui’s hair. She’s got dark hair, like her mum. Akari seems to look closer to Renzou, but it’s probably too early to tell.

This, of course, is a true Anime Ending. Time skip, married with kids, no worries beyond who’s cooking that night. Renzou used to feel like those endings weren’t for him. The edges were too soft, he’s always been to sharp and rough for that. He wouldn’t fit.

But life isn’t a story you get dropped in, it’s a story that forms around you. His edges have dulled, but they’re still there. A few times a year he needs to wallow in them. This sort of life is lovely, but sometimes he feels softened and dulled and moulded to fit in the cookie cutter ending. The one that he’s never belonged in. Paku gets those feelings. She gets him.

It’s why their marriage has been going so well.

Yui waves at Renzou. He waves back.

“Thanks, by the way,” Bon says, smiling down at Akari. “Y’know. For making me godfather.”

“No sweat. Always knew you’d be good at it.”

“And Moriyama’s the godmother?”

“Uh huh. You should’ve seen her face when Paku asked. She started crying happy tears.” Bon actually looked like he was gonna cry when Renzou asked, too. Yui’s godparents are Izumo and Koneko, and keeping the same ones for Akari might make more sense, but fuck it. The more the merrier. It’s godparents all the way down.

“I can’t believe you’re a dad,” Bon says, like Renzou hasn’t been a dad for four years now. “ _You_. Mr. Flirt and Mr. Laze.”

Renzou shrugs. “People surprise you.” He’s tempted to take Akari back because he can’t get enough of her, but there’s plenty of time for that, and there’s no one he trusts to not drop a baby more than Bon. “This kid’s gonna surprise me. I have no idea what she’s gonna be and I’m not gonna tell her. It’s her choice.”

“You gave me this speech when Yui was born.”

“It holds up.”

 _Hey,_ he’d said to Paku last week, hand on her swollen stomach. _Let’s not give these kids lectures on duty, alright? I want them to be themselves._

 _What a coincidence_ , Paku had replied with a smile, _that’s exactly what I want, too_.

Paku (technically she’s ‘Shima Noriko’ now, but sue him, Paku’s a cute name and it’s what she likes) wanders over with Yui hot on her heels. She looks tired, which is fair considering she gave birth three days ago. Renzou reaches down to lift Yui up to Akari.

“She’s so cute,” Yui says, staring down in wonder. “She looks like me.”

Does she heck.

Renzou grins.

“Family resemblance is overrated. Hey, your Uncle Bon’s gonna stay for dinner. Are you excited?”

“Uh huh!”

“You could help him cook dinner,” Paku says. “Would you like that?”

“Uh huh!”

Yui’s such a lively kid. Genuinely exhausting keeping up with her.

Kin-nii’s good at keeping up with her. Renzou wouldn’t let him meet her for a full two years because he was so scared his family would slide in with their poisonous words they don’t know are poisonous and get trapped in her head the way they did his.

But this is an Anime Happy Ending, so they’ve learned from their mistakes. Everything is fine. It’s going to keep being fine until he dies of old age, probably, but authors lose interest in stories once their characters are content.

This story ends right here. A photograph of a happy family. Normal. Functioning.

How he’s managed it, no idea, but he’s pleased all the same.

Paku leans into his side. Her smell is familiar and one he’s come to see as home. The home he built for himself. He always thought creating something separate from his original family would mean having to create something dark and twisted. He’s been proven wrong. In a lot of ways.

\--

“I haven’t quite run out of uses for you yet,” Mephisto says, like Renzou’s soul belongs to him or something. In all fairness, he isn’t sure it doesn’t. “But you knew that.”

“I wasn’t sure. I guessed, though.”

“You’re good at guessing, aren’t you, Shima-kun?”

“You know the answer to that already.”

“Very true.”

“So, what are you gonna use me for?”

Mephisto’s hand twirls around his cane. His office is the same as ever. Feels like a courtroom where Mephisto is the judge, jury and, hopefully not literally, the executioner.

“Demon bodies,” Mephisto says, “don’t last forever. They decay, just like human ones. Mine has lasted longer than most, and I wanted to hold on to it for further still, but no matter. Stretching out its time can only do so much and I need my powers at their full capability.”

“Cool story. Why does it matter?”

He knows already. The cold feeling in his chest is spreading and Mephisto’s smile gets wide.

What do you regret, Renzou?

Most things.

“I’m saying that I need a new body, Shima-kun. And I think that yours will do nicely.”

\--

Koneko sneaks in three nights after the last doctor’s visit. The doctor had left with a grim face and Renzou had begun planning his own funeral. There’s a notebook full of half-baked, insane ideas he wants people to do.

Not that writing them down has been easy. He’s incredibly tired and sweaty and his limbs take a lot of effort to co-ordinate.

Just a couple side-effects of dying. Not a big deal.

“I was wondering if you’d turn up,” Renzou says when Koneko tumbles through the window. Koneko tenses guiltily. “What, no Bon?”

“He’s distracting your family.”

_How, by being a better kid than me?_

“Right,” Renzou says. A wave of exhaustion passes through him. He must look like pure shit. Certainly feels like it. “Good news, by the way. Doctor said I’m gonna get better soon.”

Koneko lights up.

“Really?”

“Uh huh.” Raise your hand if you’re a big fat liar. Renzou’s too tired, but you get the point. “Just a passing sickness. Jun-nee and Kin-nii both had it at thirteen, too. So I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t remember either of them being sick.”

“We hid it well. Didn’t want anyone to fuss.”

“Right.” There’s a hesitancy in Koneko’s eyes, like he has an inkling that Renzou might be a Fucking Liar but is praying to be wrong. “Any idea how long it’ll take?”

Well, the doctor gave him about a week and a half to die, so –

“They think two weeks.”

“We’ll have to do something when you’re better.”

“Yeah, we could head to town. Pick up girls.”

Koneko rolls his eyes. “Something normal.”

“That is normal!”

“Hey, what’s in your notebook?”

Um. Funeral plans.

Renzou shuts the notebook with a resounding _snap._ He tells Koneko it’s full of girl’s numbers. In actuality, it has a bunch of meme songs he’s going to demand they play when he’s dead of this goddamn sickness. But to consider telling Koneko is to consider making his impending death feel real, and that’s sending panic running through his tired limbs, so it’s a no from him.

This fucking body. Why’d it go and have to catch something incurable, huh? Why not just the flu? Or chickenpox?

He’d like to see Bon, before, uh. Before. Hopefully he’ll sneak in here soon.

One and a half weeks. Probably just one. Fuck.

“Come sit next to me,” Renzou says, tapping the bed beside him. Being propped up on the pillows is making him feel like a sickly Victorian child, or a person with cancer in a movie. Koneko better not be getting those vibes. “Let’s chill.”

Koneko hesitates. “You’re ill. Are you sure you’re okay for company?”

“I want company. And -” _I’m going to die, oh god fuck this thing is real and it really isn’t curable, oh god, I’m going to_ die “- I’m not contagious –” he’s really not, he isn’t nice but he’s not _that_ awful, Christ “- I just want my best friend to sit next to me, is that so much to ask?”

Koneko sits next to him. Nestles his head in his shoulder.

Renzou has an inkling that Koneko might sense it but doesn’t want to say. Like an anxiety that someone can’t quite shake.

“I can’t wait for you to be better,” Koneko says. Renzou’s too tired to refute it. Just leans his head on top.

“Make sure Bon comes by, okay?” he struggles out. Koneko’s hand curls around his wrist.

\--

Perhaps he has fucked up.


End file.
